STOPPING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE FOREVER!

 

If leaving ever becomes an option, you may want to begin a new relationship at some point.  I am suggesting that if that ever becomes the case, that you learn first to have a relationship with yourself.  So that you can learn who you really are, not what someone else wants you to be.  You need to learn to make positive affirmations over yourself "I am a good woman/man", "I am a good mother/father", "God loves me, even though I'm not perfect", etc.  If you forget to do something or make a mistake just tell yourself "it's ok", don't beat yourself up, that's been done enough for you.  Treat yourself better than your abuser did, love yourself and most importantly find out who you are again, so you can be yourself.  You should go to counseling to discuss the abuse with someone neutral.  Make sure you're a whole woman/man before trying to get with someone else again.  Get a role model that has actually lived what you did and is making the most out of life since their freedom from abuse.  Remember the abuser profile (go to the page if you didn't already), so you won't get into the same type of relationship. 

 

These are some of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship:

Over-riding your decisions or choices by saying things like "Oh no, I'm sure you'd prefer this one" and then goes on to explain he's "just looking out for you".  This is a subtle form of manipulation.  You are an adult not a child and capable of making your own decisions and choices.

 

Wanting to know where you are all the time, sometimes it's disguised as "being worried about you", again you are an adult.  You have a right to a life (even if married, to an extent).  His/her worry is simply jealousy.  Don't let him/her rule your every moment.

 

They are highly sensitive to criticism.  It may seem endearing the first time he/she overreacts to a mild criticism, but this will wear thin after a while.  Adults that are too thin-skinned require constant praise and reassurance and don't have much self-esteem.

 

He/she points out your flaws.  If you ask for his opinion, that's one thing, but unsolicited criticism isn't needed.  If he replies that he/she's "only trying to help" run for the hills, he/she's trying to change you into someone else.

 

He/she tells you what to wear and don't say that is a sign he/she's really paying attention to you and your wardrobe.  It's a sign that he is treating you like a barbie doll he/she wants to dress you up.

 

His/her jokes are at your expense, teasing you or embarrassing you in front of others, it's demeaning not affectionate.

 

He/she falls in love quickly and completely.  Adult relationships and fairy tale romances are two different things.  If you feel he/she is moving too quickly, follow your gut feeling.  He/she may be trying to exert pressure and control over you very quickly.