PROFILE OF AN ABUSER

 

The first thing to know about any abuser is that they are just like any other person.  There is nothing unusual about them, nothing to indicate that they are an abuser.

Every abuser believes they have a right to control their victims.  Their need to control is far greater than his capacity for love of their victims or the children.

Abusers don't forget about their abuse, they just deny it.

Abusers minimize the impact and effect of their abuse.  They make it less than it is, which makes us feel that we are over reacting.

Abusers blame their partner for their abusive behavior.  They may blame alcohol, drugs, their parents, their job, anything but themselves to justify their behavior.

Abusers tend to associate with other abusive people.  They invite support for their abuse from other people.

Beliefs of Abusers

1. Anger causes violence

2. When the abuser is a man, they think that women are manipulative

3. When the abuser is a man, they think, if I don't control her, she'll control me

4. Smashing things isn't abusive, it's venting

5. Sometimes there's no alternative to violence

6. Women are just as abusive as men

7. Women want to be dominated by men

8. Somebody has to be in charge

9. Jealousy is natural mindset for men

10. Violence is a breakdown in communication

11. Men can't change if women won't

Just how dangerous is he/she?

• If he/she threatens to kill you, himself/herself, your family, accept the fact that if he/she gets desperate enough, he/she just might.

• Does he/she ever fantasize or ‘joke’ about killing you, himself/herself or a family member? The more often he/she fantasizes or the more evolved and thought out the fantasy is, the more likely he/she is to act it out.

• Is he/she depressed? If he/she becomes acutely depressed, to the point he/she feels there is no point in living (for anyone) Watch out!

• Is he/she a drug user? If he/she gets drunk or high and then starts to fantasize about killing, he/she is more likely to do it.

• How is his/her temper? Does he/she fly off into terrifying rages?

• Does he/she have a gun or other weapon? Has he/she threatened to use it against you? Access to a weapon while drunk, high or simply enraged could prove lethal.

• Is he/she obsessively jealous or controlling? Does he/she view you as his property? This kind of person will not let go easily and is likely to harass, stalk and threaten you after you have left.

• Is he/she cruel to pets or siblings? If so, consider that he/she feels it’s OK to abuser those he/she deems weaker than himself/herself, that includes you!

• If any of the above apply to your situation, call your local crisis center TODAY.